The Fishbowl

I can’t repel down a rock face. I can’t wink. I can’t drink soda without making a stupid face.

I can’t stay weighed down by this forever.

You are who you are at this stage in your life and you will either change or you will not.

It does not have to invalidate the rest of our relationship, or who you were to me. It will change what you continue to be to me. It broke us apart and it’s tough to swallow and sometimes, it’s hard not to be pissed.

But there’s a very important distinction to be made here, I think, and it’s that you did not do this to me.

Hampered as you were by insecurity and immaturity, you always did your best for me. Whatever that meant. You always did it.

So I can only really be so disappointed. When I am healed, you are not someone I will look back at and resent. I will feel sad and I will feel sorry, not for anything I did but simply that something so beautiful had to end.

But I don’t wear any scars from this that I’m not proud of. I don’t believe that I endured any unnecessary strife or was ever made to feel like anything less than your world. I think any pain I experienced was necessary for my growth as a person.

In the end you only held my hand through a part of my journey that I will look back on with fondness. And at whatever point on that path you began to be dishonest, I can’t change what the rest of it meant. There is no good to be done by wondering what things I didn’t know. I will never know. I only know that you made me feel alive. And I believe that you are good.

I’ve decided that I can live with that.